And now for something completely different...

I've been a cycling nut all my life. I've learned to ride a bike when I was just old enough to stop crapping my diapers - ok, my mother brutalizing the raw crap out of me when I failed the first time might have sped up my progress a bit. But anyways. Even now at age 38, weighing more than Belgium, I still love a good bike ride.
And I love watching the Tour de France on TV. Lovely Landschaft, epic mountain stages, the lot. But there was this pissy arrogant Yank who took a crap all over the race.
I was fairly neutral towards Armstrong until that 2004 stage where he buttfucked poor Simeoni in plain view of the camera. At that point I started to hate the shithead with a passion. I fucking hate bullies. Me getting perpetually getting beat up at school by playground bullies might have contributed to it. It's just such a soothing feeling. After the bully beat the raw crap out of you at school, you arrive at home and your mother goes apeshit and beats you up with just about anything she can lift high enough - Iron pans were our lucky days back at the time.
Don't think I'm doing the drama queen here - it happened and I have 4 months in a psychiatric clinic, being treated for depression, to show it. Little household hint - if you find yourself in the loonie bin, make sure the doc doesn't tick the 'suicidal' checkbox on your patient form. It's no fun tying to have a wee with someone else looking over your shoulder to make sure you don't off yourself with the chain on the fucking toilet flush!

I digress...

Anyway. Five years ago It came to light that Team Terrorkom and Jan Ullrich were serial cheats and cycling in Germany was truly and thoroughly fucked. Admitting to a cycling enthusiasm since then was just about the same as telling people 'I like to fuck sheep. Push them to the edge of the cliff, They'll push back.' And just as you think that things are starting to return to normal, Armstrongs monumentally drugged up arse appears on the horizon and shits the fuck all over the place.

So what did we learn since Oct. 10th? Armstrong cheated, blackmailed team mates into doping, physically assaulted Tyler Hamiton, bribed Phat Mcquid and the UCI, applied psychoterror to Levy Leipheimers wife, slandered Franky Andreu's wife. Sweet Jebus on a Pogo stick - I thought I was messed up!! This guy is a certifiable psychopath!

What do the media do? Well they're diddling the family jewels and apart from that they're doing diddly squat! Bribery McQuid had a jolly funny press conference, threw Armstrong under the bus and said everything's fine in UCI-land. Whae'Aye Man. Ever heard of Comical Ali? You make the dude look like Hemingway you idiot! Seriously, the day Phat pat is thrown to the wolves will be the day I relieve myself all over my keyboard. And you know what? He's doing it all by himself. He wouldn't know common sense if it danced stark-naked in front of him, so sooner or later that Irish idiot will make himself obsolete.

Cycling will have have a wild party that day, punk!